Five things I learned from teen TV shows

1) You probably shouldn’t go out with anyone, ever

Honestly, I feel bad for Serena and co. WHO CAN THEY TRUST? If there’s one thing I learned from Gossip Girl, it’s that you should really avoid dating anyone, because nine times out of ten they will turn out to be a) your brother b) after your money c) hired by your grandad d) pretending you are the father of their child e) your ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend’s stepmother f) royalty g) sleeping with someone you know, or h) a politic rival to your family who wants to ruin your cousin’s electoral campaign. It really just isn’t worth the hassle.

2) It doesn’t matter if you’re underage – you can still drink anywhere without ID


Liam’s stupid underage bar, Offshore (

Don’t even worry about it, because the police and owners of local teen haunts definitely won’t. In fact, if you’re on 90210, you can buy a beachfront bar at 19 years old, without any paperwork. Just give ’em a cheque that doesn’t bounce and you’re sorted! Beach parties 4 everyone.

3) People will disappear from your life all the time and it won’t bother you

If you have a Guest Star Girlfriend, expect her to pack up and leave town when you break up. I’m not joking. She will just LEAVE. She won’t say she’s leaving because of you (she’ll probably say her family’s moving or something, or maybe she won’t say anything at all) but you’ll know it was because of your break-up. You won’t care for longer than a day. Friends will leave, too – usually for a new life in a new city. No-one will ever see them or speak of them again. Also, if you have a Responsible Adult Figure in your life, expect them to move away when you hit 18. The second you finish high school you automatically become 100% grown-up and really, what’s left for them to do?

4) It will take one conversation for you to like someone


Ethan and Silver speak for pretty much the first time ever…and we all know what’s coming next (

One day, probably at a party, you’ll have a chat with someone you’ve never really spoken with much before, or conversely have spoken with LOADS but haven’t had the tiniest bit of chemistry with. You’ll only talk for five minutes, and it will most likely be about something that’s actually really dull and inconsequential, but it’ll be enough – you’ll leave that party with a whole new storyline in tow.

5) At some stage, someone really manipulative will try and steal your life and/or your significant other AND NO-ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU

No, really – NO-ONE. Not even your mom or the people who’ve been friends with you since you were twelve. You will become really angry about it which will just add to this schemer’s evil plans and you’ll end up making yourself look worse, which will lead to your isolation and possible suspension from school. Don’t feel bad, though – you’ll think of a really public and obvious way to prove your innocence in the end and win back your friends (who look kind of older than 16, by the way?).

What are your favourite teen TV moments? Comment and lemme know!

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