• A bite to eat (Twee and terrible. Plus, just a bite? Sounds rubbish. I will not join you for a bite to eat. I will join you for a lot to eat)
  • Amazeballs (Luckily hardly anyone says this anymore. Why they ever did in the first place is beyond me. What does it mean? Where did it come from? It’s not even easy to say and it puts the grossest image in my head. Not here for it)
  • Cooked breakfast (The word ‘cooked’ sends shivers down my grumpy spine. Especially when really well-spoken people say it and over-enunciate…)
  • Pamper package (Sounds like we are all going to roll around in nappies, plus the double P is truly sickening)
  • Taster session (Beyond vile)
  • Welcome pack (I mean, it’s never really a pack. It’s two poorly-designed PDFs, at the most. I don’t know why I am so anti all this stuff but it DRIVES ME INSANE)
  • Empowered/empowering (I used to like it. Now I find it creepy and patronising)
  • Can I pick your brain? (No. Weird toothpick-in-brain visions; headache ensues)
  • Disruptive marketing (Sounds like a stupid flashmob is going to throw things at me)
  • Added value (Offices love this. To me it sounds like the name of a new supermarket range. Tesco Value+)
  • Slip (Me: *gets a coat for Christmas* / My mum: “Just slip it on here and show us how it fits!” VOM)
  • Networking (AKA awkward-conversation-while-we-clutch-small-plastic-cups-of-orange-juice-and-pray-that-this-event-will-just-start-already-ing)
  • Innovative (Another office buzzword, frequently used as a replacement for ‘good’ or ‘quite impressive’. No-one can remember what it actually means)
  • Luncheon (Surely I don’t have to explain this one. Who LIKES the word ‘luncheon’?? As a result even ‘lunch’ is borderline. ‘SUPPER’ is the worst offender. Unless you eat it at 9pm it’s DINNER OR TEA, says mealtime dictator Sophie)

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