THESE ARE NOT JUST HOVERFLIES

YOU GUYS, THE SUN IS OUT. The sky is blue and it’s sort-of-warm and the palm tree I told you about is waving its leaves around like it lives in Spain. Even my palm tree is excited. I can tell it wants an ice cream. But generally it prefers sorbet, and its favourite flavour is mango.

(You BET I’ve watched too many movies where inanimate objects have a personality and WHAT OF IT. I myself feel like saying “Oh, sorry” to your cupboard door when you close it too roughly is a kind and sweet quality to have, but whatever.)

Sometimes I wish I lived somewhere where it was warm and sunny all the time. There is something about waking up to blue sky that just fills my little heart with joy, and a lot about waking up to clouds that makes me want to hide under my quilt and only ever wear fleeces. Not that there is anything wrong with fleeces. I have a very nice red one with Mickey Mouse on the front and when I wear it I pretend I am a Cast Member in Disneyland Paris who has just started working on the parade.

But anyway. Back to the sun. Do you think you’d get bored of sunshine if you saw it every day? I don’t think you would. Like, I see my boyfriend and my plush Gelatoni every day and I don’t get bored of them. Cheryl Cole may have said “Too much of anything can make you sick” but I feel like the opposite might be true when it comes to sun, because we are all apparently suffering from a Vitamin D deficiency. And I am quite good at wearing sunscreen.

Here are some things that I always seem to end up doing on sunny days:

  • Reading in the garden and saying “Isn’t it WARM?” to no-one in particular every so often. Getting a bit too warm but not wanting to look like a grump by going back inside and sitting in a darkened room. Constantly flicking ants off my leg. Trying to move very slowly so my collapsable chair (first used by me in France circa 1994) doesn’t break.
  • Attempting to take a photo for Snapchat, then giving up because my phone brightness can’t deal and every picture is just me squinting like a little mole who may or may not have already got sunburn.
  • Thinking “Yes, I WILL buy a 99, or a Flake 99, or whatever they’re called.” Buying one, getting a lot of it down my hand/top. Wondering if they still do Screwballs. Also wondering if any of the ice cream men have ever been sued by Disney for their incessant use of those terrible drawings of Mickey and friends on their vans.
  • Screaming every time a wasp comes near. Worrying one will land in my drink. Seeing one actually land in my drink. Hating it with every fibre of my being for its sheer nastiness and love of stealing other people’s J2Os. Crying when it lands on my shoulder. Wondering where all the wasps go when it’s winter. Trying to picture wasps on Christmas Day. Not being able to do it. Getting into an argument with someone re: the inevitable “These are all just HOVERFLIES” comment. THESE ARE NOT JUST HOVERFLIES OH MY GOD.
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